Hunger, part the Ninth

(who knows why Tele and Madi read this)
CHAPTER 11
It was 14 days in, that day. They were all amazed by how long I was stretching it out. It was not easy; the Hunger had made attacks almost every day since the eighth. I was measuring time in days since the initiation, because that was really my birth. Unlike most new-borns, I could count.
“I bet if he smells one, he’ll snap.”
“What are we gonna’ bet?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the next body?”
“Not much, but I’ll take it. I don’t think this guy will snap. He’s different.”
I didn’t know if they knew that I was listening, but I enjoyed that even they thought that I was different. I was special.
The lust wasn’t hard to deal with. It hadn’t really strengthened, but the Hunger had. It was getting harder and harder to resist every time. At least it wasn’t my conscious that was going to kill. That was the one thing that I could count on, that I would never kill of my own free will. The event of my first feeding would be one when the Hunger completely overtook me.
Would I remember it? Would I like it? Would I even feel bad about it?
According to the others, I would be able to accept it, but I doubted that. As they said, I was different.
It was that day when I was truly tested. The smell hit us hard; it hit me hard. They simply turned their heads, and looked at me as I ran. The Hunger had my body. My conscious was trapped in the corner of my mind. I struggled to even see what my eyes were looking at. Did the Hunger have a personality, or was it just a simple instinct that would vanish after its use was up? This was the worst of times for those questions.
Something that remained to me was the scent. I guessed that the Hunger was trying to reason with me, let me feel what it was doing. If I could have, I would’ve scowled at it. What an ignorant instinct.
The smell was getting closer. I supposed that the Hunger was running faster than I ever had. It was stronger than me, faster than me. It was better than me, except of course for basic morals. That’s where I prevailed, and that was what would pull me out of this situation. It wasn’t hard to meditate without the burden of a body.
My head was an easy victory; that wasn’t what it wanted. The rest of my upper body was a challenge. I pushed down my control, and it felt like I was literally pushing down some force. My legs would be impossible. They were being controlled, and in my waist, the Hunger was well guarding its territory. I had the rest of my body to fight it with, and that is why I managed to get down to my knee. I fell, and held onto a root, losing my concentration.
The control of my legs was quickly regained by the Hunger, and it began to try and stand up, but I held steady. It was an extremely odd sight, watching a body convulse and turn as it fought itself. It wasn’t the sort of thing to happen to a human.
I held on like that for another 3 hours, until the Hunger gave up. It didn’t really give up, though. I knew that it would come back the next day, stronger than ever.
“You owe me a body.”
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It was the sixteenth day, and I was convinced that I was dying. It felt like it. The others were in awe of me.
“I can’t even go so long.”
“I thought you hadn’t eaten since I changed.”
“Well, we feasted that day, and we had a snack when Augustus fed.”
I spat on the floor, and when no spit came out, I realized how dry my mouth was. It was like my tongue wasn’t in control. That was something that the Hunger seemed to be able to keep indefinitely. I did not know how I could talk, but whenever I thought of the words to say, it spoke for me. The whole thing was strange and creepy.
Then, the smell came. Immediately as it came, the Hunger took control, and my conscious was thrust into a dark place of my mind. I wandered in strange memories, and all of my concerns escaped me. What was there to worry about in this easy world, where even the burden of thinking was erased? I was in a natural high. Then, when I thought, well “thought” isn’t exactly the correct word, life couldn’t get any better, I fell asleep. It was like resting after staying up for an eternity.
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They told me that I was vicious. I tore a woman from her husband, and ripped open her neck. I drained her within seconds, and then went on to the man, and did the same to him.
When I finally regained feeling, I felt something in my hands. A head? A heart? Something worse?
When I looked, it was worse than I could have thought.
In my hands, wrapped in a dirty rag, was a sleeping baby. Everyone was staring at me. It wasn’t the normal, emotionless look either. Then they looked at the baby.
“Don’t you dare.” I said. The shock of my voice finally changing was ignored due to the living being in my arms.
“You expect is to walk by that? To live by that?
“You don’t have to! I’ll just leave. I don’t need you anymore.”
“You never did, but you will be trapped in ignorance if you leave us. You have to kill it.”
“I WILL NOT KILL IT.”
“Then leave us. When we get hungry, that will be the first one to go. You will kill it, you will get hungry again.”
“I will not kill this baby. I refuse to become one of you.”
I continued to believe that, even as I was becoming more and more like them every day.
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On the twentieth day, I became hungry again. I looked down at the baby, and realized that the Hunger would immediately kill it, and obviously couldn’t let that happen. Like, before, I could survive for longer than this, so I would plan on how to restrict myself from it.
I then realized I didn’t know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and it turned out to be a girl. I also realized that I would have to find regular food for her to eat. This wouldn’t be too hard. Back when I was human, I could find food for three, and a half, if you count my little brother’s massive appetite.
A shock went through me. I hadn’t thought about my little brother since I… since I… It was a very long time. When I was lying beside my sister, he didn’t even cross my mind. I was ashamed with myself. That should have been the first thing I had done after my initiation, find him. But he would be scared of me, and we wouldn’t be able to live together, would we? The Hunger would surely kill him… But I was taking that same challenge with this baby. It was better than letting her die.
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I decided that she needed a name. What did she mean to me? Well, nothing really.
I was walking at a comfortable pace, so that I could keep my arms completely steady. I probably could have held her pretty well if I was running, but it wasn’t like I was in a rush.
Was she providing me with hope? It was more worry than that.
Courage?
Light?
My difference from their kind? The last one certainly defined what she was the most. What was a name for such I feeling? I thought that entire day. In the end, I called her Mine, because that was what she really was. I was all she had, and she was all I had. Perhaps if she ever lived to talk, she would call me that too. Mine. I liked the sound of that.
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Mine and I were looking for food one day when they came. It was the pack that had done it to me. I didn’t know what kind of crazy-ass path they were walking on, but they always seemed to cross mine.
“Are you saving that?”
“Yes.” Well, technically I was.
“Hey, he’s that…” The two had me surrounded in seconds. The child had turned around, and I thought that I could hear whistling.
“You are not going to drink that, are you?” I grimaced.
“No.”
“Well then you should hand it over to us! We will take care of what you can not.”
“I don’t want her ‘taken care of.’” They both laughed
“Did you hear that? Her! You actually care about that little thing!”
“Oh, this is truly interesting… I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
“Well, burn it into your head, ‘cause I should be off.” I stared them down. It wasn’t a matter of blinking, but something else… something more sinister.
“I do not want to hurt your feelings, but I can not let you go past us.”
“No worries, I will just go this way.” I smiled sarcastically, and turned around. He was already there.
“Give me that, and you may pass.”
“Are you a troll? I don’t see a bridge.” At least, that’s how I remember the story, but perhaps my sister got it mixed up. I didn’t know where this sarcasm in the face of danger-not really for me, but for Mine- was coming from.
“Ha ha. Now stop with your adolescent humor and be serious. That will not survive with you. Don’t you know that? It will be better if we do it, so not to stain your… your… your conscience!”
“As long as she survives longer, then that is the route I am taking. Good day.”
“Oh, give up. He’s set on this thing.”
“Alright, alright, but when you kill it, don’t come crying to me.”
“I didn’t know we could cry.” He looked at me angrily for second, and then began to walk in the opposite direction.
“We can’t.”
I was satisfied with my small victory, but I was still getting hungrier.
((This one was hard to do sooooo enjoy.)